29.6.14

Andy Jordan - Live Tour Review



Andy Jordan – LIVE TOUR – 24th June
Nottingham – Rescue Rooms

Ever since it was announced Andy Jordan was going on an actual tour, we got more and more excited, some may say even more excited than that time we got TWO toys in our Happy Meal when we were 6. The second it went on sale we got ourselves some VIP tickets and started counting down the days.

After some pre-over-priced-super-strong-cocktails we arrived at the Rescue Rooms, fashionably early, as usual. Just before the meet and greet was about to begin Andy came strolling past; a moment of embarrassment was fleeting as we were wearing almost identical check shirts! Thankfully he changed into his tour attire before the meeting and greeting got properly underway.

We can confirm Andy is possibly the nicest human we’ve met, not to mention really, really ridiculously good-looking. A little chat and a few snaps later we went to stock up on some JAM Industries goodies that we’d had our eye on for a while, Mark Jordan makes for a wonderful salesman.


It wasn’t long before everyone else began to arrive and the lights were dimmed. The first support act to hit the stage was George Taylor Music and we instantly fell in love with his voice… and the bass player! They were understated but captivating, pure talent. 


Second up were Room94, cue the screams. They were perfectly cheeky and got the crowd laughing and singing. Our friend fell a little bit in love with Dean the drummer and we’d happily have stared at Sean for most of the evening. It’s obvious they’ve got a bright future ahead; we can’t wait to see more of the boys.


Then it was time for some Andy Jordan action. He came sprinting onto the stage complete with frog jumps and distinct dance moves. His set-list was spot on; the slower, emotive songs were up early and really showed off his voice. Then came the energy driven, chorus strong, crowd crazy songs. Us along with most of the crowd sang along to each and every song word for word.

We can’t not mention his dancing, it’s definitely distinctive and it definitely works for him, we’re not sure anyone else could quite pull it off though.


The covers he performed were imaginative and inspired, Andy Jordan singing Tina Turner is magic. Plus his version of Leona Lewis ‘Bleeding Love’ with George Taylor was a personal highlight, they made the song sound brand new and completely their own.

We admit we weren’t exactly sure what to expect performance wise from Andy, but he completely ruled the stage, captivated the audience and left us feeling like we’d shared a real moment with him. That’s no small task.


When’s the next tour Andy? We can’t wait for more! 

TOWIE - TOWIM Special, Part 2.



Part 2 of the TOWIE, TOWIM special went true to form. Like all good second installments of the show it had flirting, arguments, drink throwing, make-ups and break-ups. Here’s things we learnt from part 2…

1. Arg can ruin any nice evening by just being Arg.
2. The term GC is not fetch.
3. Nobody in the history of people with a penis just lay on top of each other and cuddle. Their pants probably just fell off too.
4. Ferne was staring in her very own version of ‘Where’s Wally?’
5. After much deliberation we’ve come to the conclusion we’d risk a kiss from a seasick Tom.
6. Things between Chloe and Ferne escalated quicker than Dan taking his shirt off. The tailored insult ‘You need to eat more’ and the universal classic ‘Fuck off you slag’.
7. Vas has to go on trend… seriously.
8. Ricky was rocking another splendid shirt. He scores an impressive 8.5 for his Marbella shirt collection.
9. Charlie is slowly morphing more and more into Leo in Wolf of Wall Street… in stylistic terms.
10. Dan might as well have just ripped his shirt off and had the words ‘throw a drink at me’ written on his chest.
11. Jasmin needs to work on her aim. She got great volume but struggled directing her coverage. Lessons from Danielle could benefit.
12. Harry did sleep with his ex… shocker.
13. Chloe declared the strawberries and champagne on the beach were really romantic, whilst wiping her hand on Elliotts’ leg.
14. Frans’ weird obsessive hatred of Ferne is just getting creepy awkward now.
15. Sad Bobby makes us sad.
16. The scene with Chloe and Elliott getting frisky in the sand was possibly one of the cheesiest things we’ve ever had to witness. The manly stance, the music… all that was missing was a string quartet.
17. Cherne are back on!

25.6.14

DREAMTEAM - Transfer Time.


The group stage is all but over and thanks to some unexpected pitiful performances; many others and us have been crying out for the dreamteam transfer window to open in hope of reclaiming some point based pride.

The transfer window is open right this second and you have until the 28th June to make 4 whole changes. We’ve never been so grateful. Most of us will be shipping out our Spanish players and no doubt looking in the direction of Neymar, but then again, won’t everyone? You’re never going to win by following the crowd at this stage so perhaps a little imagination and the odd wildcard could clinch it? Here’s which teams made it through the group stages…

Group A
Brazil & Mexico
Group B
Holland & Chile
Group C
Colombia & Greece
Group D
Costa Rica & Uruguay
Group E
France & Switzerland
Group F
Argentina & Nigeria
Group G
Germany & USA
Group H
Belgium & (Yet to be decided with Algeria, Russia and South Korea all with hope)

Mark Hyndman is currently topping our mini league with 188 points, his inclusion of surprise point magnet, Columbias’ Rodriguez alongside all the usual top scoring suspects gives him the edge over most others. With all but two of his players confirmed for the knockout stage he’s going to be hard to catch.

Tom Mann is sitting in 78th position with 90 points mainly thanks to Robben and Messi. With over half his team either knocked out or very soon to be, he’s certainly got some changes to make, but with Ronaldo and his hefty price tag soon to be surplus to requirements Tom has money to play with.

We aren’t too far behind Tom, in fact only 5 points separate us. Our not so trusty and pricey Spanish inclusions along with our English player loyalties have certainly cost us big points but they leave us with plenty of cash to make our changes.

JJ Bird sits 101st with 78 points, without Benzema and Messi his leaky defence would see him far worse off. Aguero sits amongst his strikers as a pricey pointless inclusion but he has 5 players either out or soon to be. Decisions, decisions for JJ.

Derry Mensah and his ‘solid eleven’ have him in 114th place with 74 points. Suarez is easily his biggest point scorer but with the nibbler facing punishment his team looks in trouble. The transfer window has definitely come at the right time for Derry.

Dan Keatings is just a few points behind in 122nd position. Without Robben and his whopping 31 points Dan would certainly be much further down the mini league with most other players struggling to make much of an impact.

Charlie Healy is only 7 points behind band mate Derry, with Messi leading the way for the rest of his struggling line-up. He’s going to need a bit of a miracle to storm up to that top spot he previously had his eye on.

James Lock is having a bit of a nightmare sitting in 164th position with just 46 points. His English and Spanish midfield weren’t the craziest of picks but they’ve certainly let him and many others down, but his strike force hasn’t done much to contribute points wise. It’s a shame James can only make 4 changes.

With a mighty bundle of prizes up for grabs for the winner this transfer window could make you or break you.

The prizes for the winner are…

The complete Calvin Klein world cup underwear collection from Bang & Strike.




A prize from celeb and athlete favourite, Musclefood.

A voucher for Machine Fitness.

A stylish and much in demand Curbbz bracelet.

A Diamond Whites home teeth whitening kit.

A tasty Hug Box.

If you’re hovering around that top spot and looking like you’re in with a chance of winning please make yourself known to us sooner rather than later so we know who to get in touch with at the end of the World Cup. Tweet us @ItsBizNews with your name & Team Name.

23.6.14

TOWIE - TOWIM Special, Part One.



TOWIE is officially back and treating us to a TOWIM special. There’s drama a plenty when this bunch is in Essex so add some sun and some swimwear and things are going to get steamy! Part one hit out screens last night and once again they didn’t disappoint. Here’s things we learnt from part one…

1. Those half tan budgie smugglers will be the stars of our future nightmares.
2. ‘Barry’ the Brangelina of Brentwood?
3. We’ve gone back in time and are reliving the Arg/Lydia retro drama. Please make it stop!
4. Charlie looks like he’s stepped out of an Italian gangster film, stopping off at the Wolf Of Wall Street set on his way.
5. Grace is no less irrelevant than last series.
6. Vas is a cross between a Zoolander extra and a Bond villain. It shouldn’t work but it kind of does.
7. Elliott has the manners of a Disney prince and the body of a dirty, sweaty gladiator.
8. ‘Darlings…’ is how Gemma now has to enter any room, ever.
9. Ricky knows how to work a floral shirt.
10. Tom has got 37% more attractive since last series.
11. Chloe and Elliott are cuter than a puppy cuddling a baby chick wearing pyjamas.
12. Lewis’ only white bits are his size, age 14, shorts.
13. We will never tire of staring at Dan. Ever.
14. GC will never catch on, please stop trying to make it happen.
15. Bobby doesn’t work for MFI so he doesn’t need to be spied on and he can’t get you a discount on a three piece suite.
16. Ferne did some frolicking in Vegas. We still love Farlie? Cherne?
17. Arg needs to work on his smooth talking. “Your boobs have got bigger” will never be an acceptable compliment.
18. Late night pool dipper Imogen is the legendary Imogen from off of BINTM. 

22.6.14

BBUK - Week Three


10 things we learnt from day 16…

1. A common behavioural blunder: Looking at the floor. It is quite offensive anyway.
2. Mildly attractive men become oddly sexual in brashly coloured jumpsuits.
3. Peeling spuds is not very appealing and will result in flat out insubordination.
4. Snitches get stitches.
5. When difficult decisions are a daunting task, run off to the toilet.
6. Saying ‘I’m not looking for a row’ when you don’t want to argue is laying the groundwork for a spat.
7. The minute a nice fella exhibits happiness and joy, trample it with all your might. After hours before, expressing how much you have in common and really want them to stay. Fib that the experience isn’t good for them and that you’re concerned they are losing themselves. And then wonder why they don’t want to discuss it straightaway and how come they aren’t thanking you for this kindness.
8. Danielle needs to be careful as Kim will sell her down the river quicker than she can say ‘where’s the water coming from?’
9. The personality-less cannot be faulted but you’re fucked if you have one and haven’t had a tough time.
10. Big fat lies are warrantable when it comes to stealing bottles of wine. 




16.6.14

BBUK - Week Two


Plate patrol, shameful tears, psychic readings and wasps. A little bit of everything you never knew you needed to see. Here’s 7 things we learnt from day 9…

1. Breakfast etiquette: 2 sausages for breakfast is sufficient so long as the vegetarian ones are not touched. It is not correct kitchen conduct to be heavy-handed on a self-serving spesh when there aren’t many eggs or mushrooms.
2. When the Plate Patrol is on duty, it is practically a hanging offence to get your own plate.
3. There are wasps in the garden that are really frustrating and cups represent love.
4. DO look a £5000 gift horse in the mouth if they get angry, intimidating and abrasive. Or alternatively, if you hear the hisses and heckles to get the rat out of the kitchen – immediately shift allegiances.
5. Blubbering is perilous to make up. The formula for tear termination is to take a really deep breath and just enjoy your food..if Christopher hasn’t already gobbled it down that is. Because supposedly he is selfish and unsharing like that.
6. When you find yourself embarrassingly talking to yourself and sad repeat Jale’s ‘Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry, for f**ks sake don’t cry’ mantra.
7. As Steven’s Grandad says: the one thing in life you never ever ever do is bite the hand that feeds you.


9 things we learnt from day 11…

1. To make your preening less effeminate discuss manly, macho topics such as The World Cup.
2. Revealing the Power Housemate's identity will only breed anger and resentment. Human dartboard, Jale plans to scale the wall knowing it will be a free for all and some feel he’s avenging people on Jale’s behalf.
3. Supposedly the house is missing the obligatory slutbucket and it is displeasing that all single guys have been put in a house of man haters.
4. Ash aka Mr Cool likes a girl in gym gear but is morally opposed to having a bird who’s a bit of a slut.
5. The last supper should have been a Chinese banquet.
6. Cerise jumpsuits do nothing for Mark’s Halle Berries!
7. Do you know how many times Kimberly gets treated like she’s a piece of meat like seriously on a daily basis, especially with her job?
8. The Winston quiff is too smooth to handle – it takes a lot of spray to perfect that.
9. Just two comments from Helen tonight that disprove Toya's vouching that she isn't a spiteful person. 'I'd rather shit in my own mouth than look at him' (referring to Marlon) and depicting Jale as a 'slug with elephant ears.'

10 things we learnt from day 10…

1. Like Matthew we literally want to hit our heads into a brick wall every time the power housemate is mentioned as a massive manipulator.
2. Don’t mess with Winston’s mates he’ll woo cha cha POW you.
3. Everything hurts Danielle and yes, we are so achingly aware that she is classy and a really ‘sweet’ girl.
4. BB bullying can include: factions developing, deliberate hostility to an individual, persistent name-calling and ostracising of individuals. On behalf of all BB viewers, I’d like to say thank you for taking this up with fungus beneath the scum, Helen (who was totally unapologetic) BUT she should have been raked over the coals more severely and had her pass to the final revoked.
5. Winston’s little role on Eastenders came in handy for his SICK secret mission. Not only is he SICK with the ladies but at storytelling in a humiliating, hysterically funny way too!
6. After getting a girl to piss on you and then spew everywhere, be sure to do her after!
7. There’s a difference between having a nice vocabulary and being too verbose.
8. Don’t get up in Toya’s grill with baseless assumptions that annoy the shit out of her.
9. Steven is already picking out his and hers towels for himself and Kim! He spelled out that he is attracted to her physically, emotionally and mentally.
10. You know Helen doesn’t like you when she flings you to the wolves and lets you make a dick out of yourself!

12 things we learnt from day 13…

1. Kimberly wants to get her little trotters right into Steven but is afraid of screwing herself over on National TV and being ‘that girl.’ Let’s NOT have this moment.
2. BB didn’t exactly splurge out on the Animal Farm costumes.
3. Sausage smushing is ze wurst!
4. You don’t have a career unless you do modelling. God forbid you have a degree and conventional job! Nobody takes you seriously anyway when you get your tits out for a living so how is being on BB any more degrading?
5. Its 2014 people can buy their own pasta sauce!
6. Why make ginger biscuits when they cost 50p a packet?
7. Exploit your weaker assets for a little extra profit.
8. Pussying out of decisions and fence-sitting mutates your manhood into a MAN-gina.
9. Helen’s nasty fixation on Jale may now be over as she’s seen a different side to her during the task.
10. There is not one single person in house who is not completely self-obsessed.
11. Steven is a 45 year old man trapped in a 23 year old boy’s body.
12. Tomorrow will be slop and swill not peaches and cream! 

9 things we learnt from day 14…

1. A rude awakening with the old school BB rooster crowing alarm, when you’re sleeping so soundly in a barn, wrapped in potato sacks WILL make you feel like a refugee.
2. It is inevitable that you will get sick all over your crotch and dribbled eggy cheesiness in your designer beard and armpit, when sucking up ostrich eggs and nibbling stinky cheese! It’ll drive you clucking mad and you just can’t be calm about it.
3. HUNGRY Games – it’s a film.
4. Chickens are like the skidmarks of the house.
5. What is the world coming to when you can’t even have a soapy, squeaky-clean shower with your housemate? An innocent move to wash the cow sh*t off your skin is apparently breaking the girl code. And so you should not ever step into the shower with a bloke whether he minds or not.
6. Helen’s sudden need to be bumchummy with Jale, the self-confessed bossy bastard with 4 balls is unnerving and a direct correlation to BB spanking her ass. 
7. Matthew walks cute, like a baby animal that just learnt to walk in a wildlife documentary.
8. Shower with a bloke who has only pecked a babe once before and you’ll be treated like the whore of Babylon because it looks shit and might be deemed as a bad thing. So says the former prostitute who shagged another woman’s husband in a seedy threesome. But no, NO this is far more revoltingly reprehensible than that because Helen didn’t hold Colleen Rooney in any regard like she does, Tamara.
9. Winston and Marlon will use the distraction of the hawks gathering to harangue the ‘harlot’ to find more booze.

12 things we learnt from day 15…

1. You’re practically a saint so long as you still cook and provide for your housemates, even if it is widely acknowledged that you completely ostracised and pushed out others.
2. Moths are an omen and sign of death, more so if they land on your pillow.
3. Liverpool and Derry are very spiritual places.
4. 5 and a half minutes speaking to the friends and family is a waste of highlight hijinks time. But just enough time for an ice cream run to the freezer and back.
5. There are 2 kinds of idiots those that punch sharks in the nose and those who are gullible enough to believe that it happened in the first place. The latter is the standard by which all idiots should be measured.
6. Sharks attack like a hot knife through butter. We love Winston’s highly questionable stories quite a bit.
7. If you manage to lodge your bum in a giant sculptured head, you don’t want Matthew’s scrawny unburliness on hand with his WET hands to try and shift you.
8. We like Mark and his mayhem more and more every minute.
9. Porn is not Armageddon it’s literally 2 people banging the shit out of each other. Don’t scoff but Danielle has never watched any before. Liar liar, crotchless panties on fire!
10. Danielle doesn’t speak ‘sex’ unless she’s paid to on pervy phone lines. She can’t even bring herself to call a man’s ‘thing’ a penis.
11. Ash is just as appalled that Helen slept with a married celebrity that she actually CANNOT name, as the rest of us. He might want to re-evaluate how he fancies the ass off her.
12. The world will NOT implode without Pauline. Reacting like her eviction is sadder than watching The Notebook and a baby bunny being clubbed to death is ludicrous.


13.6.14

MTV Ex On The Beach - Final Episode



It’s over. No more exs’, no more drama, no more stirring, no more beach brilliance. We’re very sad! Series 1 has been a revelation. Before it began it looked like it was going to be worth a watch, but we could never have guessed just how hooked it would have us. Here’s 19 things we learnt from the final episode…

1. Liam got a real life human female into his bed – willingly. We’re so proud.
2. Shelby is very good at playing Ross at his own game.
3. Chloe will never be a girls girl.
4. Ricci got a pity date.
5. The wrath of Farah was unleashed once again.
6. John Smith just doesn’t cut it for Pocahontas.
7. Liam swapped his spoon for an industrial mixer and went to work.
8. A few people were nice to Ricci so he grew some balls and crowned himself king confronter.
9. We couldn’t help noticing amongst a bunch of topless sweaty men; Ross was dressed like a gent. It was a good look.
10. Ash went hulk level 5 and navigated that pool edge like a ballerina on steroids.
11. Dan sleeps through anything, even a Jack trying to drag him from his slumber.
12. Joss is a bum biter.
13. Ash finally said nice things about Talitha without a dose of cockness. Awww.
14. Ricci makes making awkward jokes in an awkward situation look more awkward than another date for Emily and Liam.
15. Marco looked extra pretty.
16. Jack didn’t manage to get any girls with no self-respect to sit on his pipe. Poor chap.
17. Ash wouldn’t follow Liam on twitter. The modern day version of leaving a horses head on someones pillow.
18. Vicky and Joss!!! What the?! How the?! When the?!
19. Ex On The Beach series one was fan-fuckin-tastic.

8.6.14

BBUK - Week One


Our first proper highlights show with only a smidge of things we’d already seen, it finally feels like we’re back in the BB bubble. Here’s 13 things we learnt from Day 2.

1. Danielle isn’t used to smutty chat – do they not say ‘get your tits out love’ on her ‘model’ shoots?
2. Steven will chat up anyone in a dress. Literally.
3. Sleeping in a box isn’t ideal.
4. Danielle is a proper lady – her words, not ours.
5. Cats have spiky willies – factoid courtesy of Mark.
6. When a man pukes on a woman’s vagina, it’s called ‘pulling a Winston.’
7. Mark is sorry for fucking swearing. Jesus. Fuck. Is Jesus offensive?
8. Winston topless alert.
9. We may occasionally need subtitles for Ashleigh.
10. The classic jump out at someone from around a corner will never not be funny.
11. Slugsworth…
12. We’ve definitely underestimated just how powerful the power is going to be.
13. The sleeping arrangements are wonderful.


 13 things we learnt from day 3…

1. Ash is a giant. A beautiful Disney prince giant.
2. Toya is already lining up her fanny spray endorsements for when she leaves the house.
3. Danielle is still trying to convince people she’s classy. Dead classy.
4. After all these years people still don’t seem to realize that people say a load of bollocks on their VTs.
5. Helen is wary of the only two people that are completely different to anyone else in the house.
6. Things that really get underneath Toya’s weave: reinforcing favourites and cliques. She can’t be cliqued.
7. Winston referred to himself, as ‘The Winstmeister’ and we didn’t even gag.
8. Kimberly is the wisest Playboy bunny we’ve ever met. (We’ve never met her, or any other Playboy bunnies.)
9. If the ‘stop it, stop it’ warning you sound is not effective, the next course of action is to ‘fuck it.’
10. As far as lining up in order of things tasks goes it went somewhat polite.
11. The names Harrison. Ash Harrison.
12. NEVER ask Helen to put you to bed; you’ll probably dislocate a limb.
13. Tamara can get MORE than a bit silly when she has a drink and lady doors will almost be exposed. As a drunken fool she crawls with legs sprawled like a slug on a lettuce.



Day 4 also known as nominations round one! Normally 4 days in everyone is being super polite and trying to befriend anything with a pulse, but not this bunch! Here’s 12 things we learnt from day 4…

1. The nomination alert scream is beyond creepy.
2. Danielle becomes a bigger, walking, talking, contradiction every single time she opens her ‘classy’ mouth.
3. Toya isn’t fond of ‘flip-floppers’ or men that hold their bits and bobs.
4. Chicken portion size is contentious - even if you are taking the same amount as everyone else because we all want a WHOLE bowl of chicken
5. Despite being told how to several times barely anyone can pronounce Jale. For the record it sounds like the word Barley… if the Queen were to say it in a scouse accent. Ish.
6. Several people have already rented a space up Paulines’ arse.
7. When Marcus gets angry he becomes even more scouse… apparently that’s possible.
8. Rolling your eyes is a sin.
9. Suncream penises are never not funny
10. Steven nominated someone for saying something in their VT that wasn’t pleasant but then being nothing but nice to him… good one Steven.
11. Seeing 16 people’s nominations takes a looooooong time.
12. Danielle isn’t a fan of the ‘sex chat’… twat.


Day 5, promoted as one of the most explosive episodes EVER, so explosive it wasn’t going to be repeated the following day. We had visions of glass throwing, hair pulling and at the very least some angry restraining. It didn’t quite live up to the visions we’d created but it was still pretty great. Here’s 12 things we learnt…

1. Girls will never learn to not shave than spray their pits.
2. Tamara teabagged herself.
3. Danielle's non-sweary slag dignity was thrust aside next to her morals and principles. And the sweet, virginal, butter-wouldn't-melt-broad was never seen again. 
4. If you are going to accuse someone of being a classless slag, ensure you've had a wash and brushed your hair first! 
5. Blue lipstick is always an awful, awful, AWFUL idea.
6. Chris is the king of weird.
7. Toya's traumatising hygiene issues and retching are reminiscent of rein-in-the-crazy Nikki Grahame. 
8. The holiday's over and you only had to be about as psychic as pineapple to have seen it coming.
9. Steven is a little bitch – not our words.
10. You ought to stop swearing or you'll go to f**king hell and God won't be very happy with you.
11. Kimberly is oozes this so called class Danielle deems necessary to life.
12. It’s easy to forget saying the word slag. 



Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy… yeah right! In that house? With those people? That really is wishful thinking Big Brother. Here’s 10 things we learnt from day 6…


1. Exuding a sunny, happy demeanour and turning your frowns upside down is draining but very entertaining.
2. There is untold pain and suffering in REMOVING fake tan and make up. Quelle horreur! Unless you remember that you're good looking anyway.
3. Kimbo is positively TOO gorgeous without make up and it means we can’t ever be her best friend.
4. Steven has never seen so much breast.
5. Being a bolshy Bolton lass will get you twatted in the nose.
6. Positive shock therapy sessions are not particularly shocking. However if you do get electrocuted, do it with a smile on your face.
7. Promises to make more of an effort in respect of your personality flaws are applause-worthy.
8. Here's a fun fact: If you're fit, you get away with it. (It = being a tit/twit)
9. Happy hour generally involves heaving, sick buckets and blended penises.
10. 16 people are not going to fall in line permanently, regardless of having to co-exist, compromise and be considerate.

They’ve officially been in there a week, normally the housemates are just settling in and starting to lose their inhibitions… that happened for this lot after about 6 hours!  Here’s 13 things we learnt from day 7…

1. ROFLINg is more irking than twerking.
2. Pauline is a hatefully horrid b*tching machine. 
3. You should be embarrassed if your comments are appalling even if you are angry in the heat of the moment, with crazy witch eyes.
4. Durian fruit facial masks make you look really attractive... but only if your name is Ashleigh. 
5. Rating girls sexiness to their face is not going to perk them right up. 
6. When someone ELSE throws a bucket of fish guts over their head in a bath, Mark will barffff. 
7. Bitching about someone when they're directly behind you is not advisable. But it's just being honest, right? Besides it's not like they're being filmed… oh wait…
8. When someone laughs at you instead of being worried, they are not your f**king friend. 
9. Whizzing across a spinning slippery pole almost always guarantees a whacking on your own slippery pole.
10. Kimberly is one of the few and far between non:annoying-egotistical-and-insufferable American nude models in the entire world.
11. Danielle does not swear. Lest she happens to be midst a throng of f**king slags. Well, now she'll never get into heaven. 
12. Former homewreckers have hearts too.
13. "Borrowed it ya" - is bad grammar. 

It’s Friday aka eviction day! Can we kick at least half of them out please? No?! Shame. Here’s 10 things we learnt from day 8…

1. Quilt hogging in a bed you are not sleeping in, is still apparently grounds for slagging someone off. Because remember: Life is too short not to say what is on your mind.
2. Showing a little sensitivity or compassion is not imperative.
3. Not only does Kimberly look cute in a cap but first thing in the morning too. We kinda want to hate her but we can’t.
4. Marlon makes a dashing waiter.
5. Trying to have a secret magical night in a transparent GLASS pod is not going to stay secret for longer than five seconds.
6. Spaghetti bolognaise IS a magic potion that makes you like a man. Tried and tested, 100% success rate approved by Winstmeister.
7. Seeing someone snog is sure to bring out your inner teenager complete with immature ooooohs and ‘they’re snogging!!!’ cheers.
8. Lovable goof Chris is the best choice ever for power housemate.
9. When bitching, manifestly you will use terms that are more apt in reference to yourself.
10. Tamara went bye byes.



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