It seems like last year since we
saw our favourite agg loving Essex folks in action! Well the bronzed beauties
are back and there’s a ssssssnake amongst them – oh the horror! The first two
episodes gave us a whole lot of couple love, plenty of he said she said and a
glimpse of Charlie Sims! Here’s what we learnt…
Episode One.
1. Bobby told the waiter he had a
grassy arse – we think this was an attempt at the native language rather than a
weird euphemism.
2. Beef in Tenerife. Nobody needs
that shit.
3. Dani unfollowed Ferne on
Twitter, that's the social media equivalent of posting dog shit through someone’s
letterbox.
4. Lydia got up from that sun
lounger like the dodgy kebab from last night just came back to haunt her.
5. Civil? Civil? That’s no way
to celebrate a birthday Mario.
6. In a break from tradition Ricky
decided to throw his own drink in his own face.
7. Danny O, Lockie and Elliott in a
sweaty sauna. It's like Christmas Day, Birthday and Pancake Day all in one
scene!
8. We reckon Elliott is regretting
those his and hers teeth now.
9. There’s no word that strikes
fear like ‘word’ – apparently.
10. GC was channeling her inner
something about Mary with that fringe action.
11. Listen... we are Elliott, we
are!
12. Lydia was channeling her inner
and outer Cruella.
13. Dan is a double DILF.
14. Jess used a hashtag in an
actual out loud spoken sentence. We feel dirty.
15. Snake watch is in full swing.
Some are looking a bit scaly
16. Lockie is looking extra
musketeer this series and we are loving it.
17. Hey sexy. Here. Now. Dan E,
woweee. Even though we’re pretty sure he stole his hair from a nostalgic
Italian wannabe model and looks like he has the sun eternally shining in his
eyes, we kinda like him.
18. Bloor wisdom, just because
you've got a meal it doesn't mean you can't look at the menu. We’d be
worried about him ordering a side dish.
19. Charlie Sims is back!!! We’ll
savour that 2 seconds of handsome hat action.
20. When a conversational reply
starts with ‘mmmhmmm’ you know it's going to go downhill quicker than a fat kid
on a bike with no brakes.
Episode Two.
21. We don't think Bobby has quite
grasped the meaning of moral.
22. Dani booked into Chloe's for
one of those classic hair combings.
23. Elliott bought her a carpet?
Now that right there ladies is a catch.
24. Lockie and Dan running through
the woods looked like they'd just nicked a handful of penny sweets from
woolies.
25. Lydia thinks Vas has it in for
her. Maybe he's jealous of her hat collection? Or maybe he could sense her underlying
bitch?
26. Lewis is wondering if the ass
sorry we mean grass is greener.
27. Want to nick birds? Then you
need to dog up.
28. Jess would like us all to know
she's over Ricky ok. Ok!
29. Bobby’s tache is more Bieber
than Mr Selfridge
30. Listen... People can't listen
to a text Elliott!
31. ‘a fink day av a little bit’ –
Dani’s elocution lessons are going really well.
32. Diags saying wise things makes
us more uncomfortable than when the drunk person on a quiet bus makes eye
contact with you.
33. Surely the creepy ‘I’ve done a
silent fart’ smile every time someone had a ‘she said he said’ convo in front of
Gemma gave her away…
34. There’s so much aggy in the air.
