Ex On The Beach 2 - Episode One

The series premier of Ex On The Beach 2 had a heck of a lot to live up to, after series one provided us with some top telly moments – it sure didn’t disappoint. We made our first impressions of all the single bronzed beauties and they wasted no time getting stuck in! Rogan got his kiss on, Connor put in some serious groundwork and Kayleigh gave last series’ ‘mad Frank’ an early run for her money. Here’s what we learnt…

1. The tablet of terror is back and the uncontrollable ex sweats began.

2. No matter what, grown adults will always run into a fancy house screaming and immediately jump on the beds. They’re like toddlers with tattoos.

3. Morgan and Rogan just became best friends. If they had bunk beds they'd definitely nail them together so there’d be so much room for activities!

4. Rogan is attracted to arseholes...

5. Luke has more muscles than a seafood restaurant... a seafood restaurant in Mongolia with no road access.

6. We might already love Morgan. He had us at E.T.

7. We still don’t know who Mother Tulisa is?

8. Rogan and Kayleigh went from bubbles to battering in the sip of some Champaign.

9. “Mel needs her arm bands on because she's going to get moist tonight” Aww Connor, he’s about as romantic as garlic squid.

10. Connor the poor kid. He put in a day of groundwork and ended up drying Mel’s hair… she’s already got the pup well trained.

11. The nervous poo – we’ve all been there.

12. If you’ve ever got money or pride resting on guessing a fruit correctly (because that always happens right?) never ask Luke for help… Mini watermelons?

13. Loren suffered from the age ol’ dilemma… Do I put a bag over it?

14. Adam is the wolf of the west end. So like Leo Di Caprio but with jazz hands.

15. Kayleigh apparently likes to throw a drink and a fist. Crazy alert.

16. Morgan has really tiny nipples – they’re like soft pink pennies.

17. Mel comes equipped with a slag radar. Available on Amazon soon.

18. Nipple watch part two, Adam’s are so perfectly round, like un-nibbled jaffa cakes.

19. “Smash the shit out of her” Yet more romance from Connor. He’d dry hump your leg without taking it out for dinner first.

20. Kayleigh's vocabulary doesn't stretch far from fuck off.

21. She's not angry she's disappointed. Jeez we'd hate to see Kayleigh angry! Even the pot plants did a tiny fear wee.

22. Rogan – “ He couldn’t nick a box of glory” We love him.

23. Anita needs to work on her fizz to mouth coordination.

24. Connor finally wore Mel down, like a well-toned stalker – go on lad!

25. Newbie Megan looks like she needs a good wash.

If they 'coming up' preview is anything to go by we're in for a right explosive telly treat! Bring on the sexy madness!

Ex On The Beach 2 - First Impressions

Series 1 of Ex On The Beach hit our screens with a bang (literally) and we took (most) of the cast into our cold hearts. So when it was announced series 2 was sporting a whole new batch of bronzed beauties we were a little worried. What if nobody could match Liam’s excellent stirring? What if there wasn’t some top doo’s like Macro’s Jeff? And most importantly what if nobody delivered the epic one-liners like Vicky? The horror! Well we needn’t have fret, the new batch are an instant hit – not all for the right reasons. Here are our first impressions…

Morgan

He’s looking for a woman that knows how to use a knife and fork, which we’re going to translate into classy rather than intelligence of a semi-coordinated ape. He’s totally got standards. Not only is Morgan nicely sculptured the chap has excellent eyebrows. We’re already rather fond of Morgan – we can use a knife, fork and a spoon by the way!

Mel

We struggled slightly with our first impressions of Mel. She wasn’t in your face, she wasn’t completely dull, she didn’t say anything hilarious but she wasn’t a total nutter either. This might mean international DJ Mel is a bit normal… this is potentially a great thing amongst the other madness.

Connor

Before little Connor even opened his mouth he oozed Essex. This naughty chap is all about the tan, teeth and triceps. He’s like an over tanned, over preened puppy that you’d totally forgive if he pissed up your leg. Bless.

Loren

The fact Loren described herself as a space raider crisp instantly made her our new favourite person! Complete with armbands and brummie love she made us do an impromptu d’awwww noise. She even sussed the whole ‘ex on the beach’ thing in a matter of minutes!

Rogan

The Greek god-like Adonis that completed the ‘perfect week’ - Barney Stinson would be proud! He is a beautiful beast but we’ll be eternally bemused as to how such a massive man could fit into such tiny pants! One flash of that smile and we were smitten.

Anita

It’s impossible for us to have first impressions of Anita, we kind of already had them back in her BINTM days (they were good). She’s a model that gets paid, so an actual model – her agent isn’t instagram! She’s obviously our early fave because she’s just bloody fabulous; we have a soft spot for beautiful folks that are a bit dorky.

Kayleigh

Her dog licks her, she licks him… he came from inside her… we call crazy! We fear her, we fear her more than whatever lurks downstairs the moment your turn the lights off.

Luke

A Welsh Bieber – just what the world needs. Oh the joy. Those were our impressions before we developed our actual first impressions. We love him! Who needs muscles when you’ve got the talent to inspire a whole load of shits and giggles.

Cracking line-up, well played MTV! If the first episode is anything to go by we’re in for an explosive telly treat.

Speaking of the first episode, our super summary is coming up shortly…

CBB - The Jim Davidson Effect.

There was a time when it didn't take much to be a reality TV villain. You didn't need to racially abuse someone to get headlines or objectify women and scream profanities to get a “tell all exclusive” in the red tops. You didn't even have to act out sex, in tight underwear in the garden, more's the pity. Back in 2000, “Nasty” Nick Bateman was the most hated man in Britain. The broadsheets and tabloids alike bayed for his blood, police escorted him out of the Big Brother house for fear of public violence and women gripped their children's hands tighter when he walked past them in the street. And what did this monster do to warrant this persecution and trial by public opinion? Did he grope a young girl in the confines of a toilet? No. Did he physically threaten or torment a more vulnerable housemate? No. So what did he do? He tried to win. In fact, apart from a rather regrettable fabricated story about a fictional fiancé passing, he was doing pretty bloody well. He remains the only housemate to never receive a single nomination and is quite possibly the best player of the game to ever enter the infamous building. How things change....

Fast-forward 15 years, and Nick is a comparative saint and about as evil as Dennis the Menace stood next to some of today's villains. “The most hated person in Britain” is a tag that gets passed round on a weekly basis between convicted killers, political leaders and Dapper Laughs like it was prison pornography. CBB, of course, keep note of all the non-criminal names and cold call them twice a year, like PPI for the already rich. A good percentage of celebrities who break the law, or lose their job end up doing a turn in reality TV. Ron Atkinson, Kerry Katona, The Hamiltons, Brian Harvey to name but a few. There's something quite sour tasting about rewarding those who make racial slurs, or defraud the public with another shot in the public eye and a nice pay cheque but by God does it make great television, as well as leaving Justin Lee Collins staring longingly at the telephone (who is too scared to look away).

Then of course there is the odd person who proves they aren't so bad after all. They aren't horrible, or bigoted, or psychopathic and they win the hearts of the nation by winning the UK's most notorious popularity contest. I like to call it The Davidson Effect.

Jim Davidson was/is one of the countries most reviled comedians and somehow managed to beat off the opposition to become CBB's most controversial winner. So he must be a nice fella then, right? Wrong. Jim Davidson is still a horrible irk. The Davidson Effect isn't the transformation of public opinion due to a character misjudged on closer examination! It is how a horrible little man can appear normal when surrounded by absolute lunacy!

Take this series. Before airing, Katie Hopkins was probably disliked by a good 95% of the British public. I would say after only a week or so on our screens that is now at 50/50, 60/40 at worst. People are starting to warm to her in the aftermath of the ridiculous Perez Hilton, the unstable Jeremy Jackson and the pretty disgusting Ken Morley. The Davidson Effect is in full flow, with people actually mistaking this comparative sanity for affection. This is still the same woman who says kids named after places are working class, despite calling her daughter India. It is still the same woman who called for Israel to bomb 'filthy rodent' Palestinians and it is still the same woman who joked at the expense of those killed in the Clutha helicopter disaster, using tragedy to get more twitter followers. However, when you stand even this vile woman next to the level of surrealism that calls the Big Brother house home, she frighteningly becomes a character you relate to. I can't find common ground with the man in a dress who humps garden furniture, or the drug addled handsy actor, or the perverted pensioner and so alarmingly Katy Hopkins becomes a voice of reason. However, just because she says what you're thinking among the unstable, don't be confused. If you went to jail, you would spend more time with the shoplifters, than the murderers, and more time with the murderers than the paedophiles. None of them are preferable.

When Jim Davidson was asked his advice on the Lee Ryan love triangle by a helpless Casey Batchelor, he looked down the lens and said “If you can fake sincerity, you can fake anything”. We still voted for him to win, as this admission flew over the heads of millions. This season's winner is still firmly in the balance but win or lose, Jim Davidson is still Jim Davidson. And Katie Hopkins is still Katie Hopkins.

By @TheGafferTapes - @CraigHazell

ALBUM REVIEW - One Direction 'FOUR'

So another album review of a band that was also manufactured by the belching music production machine that is The XFactor; Ella Henderson and now One Direction, don’t we treat you here at ItsBizNews. 1D as like Henderson was another act that didn’t win Xfactor but instead came third, trumped by both Rebecca Ferguson and Matt Cardle. 1D have not let this stand in their way as the band is now worth a hefty 25 million with numerous number one hits and albums under their skinny belts. If I’m honest I’m not a big fan but I was happy to listen and was pleasantly surprised. Enjoy!

In my last review I talked about the difficulty of shedding the XFactor label that seems to surround all the stars that are curated and preened by this globally recognised show. It’s known for exuding stagey pop music for the masses as each week every act is singing a Westlife cover, or a Mariah Carey classic. Although newer and more indie hits are being used, back in 2010 1D were belting out the typical Xfactor cliché tunes. But as the band has grown and discovered an addiction to tattoos, both fans and band members have started to grow up and this album appears to be a maturing of the pubescent melodies this band has been churning out for the past few years. In Midnight Memories, the last album, the introduction of power chords and rougher lyrics and singing style helped to move the band towards a rockier feel and it’s obvious that in the new album Four this is where the boys are going with their music.

Steal My Girl, is the first obvious showing of this; the piano ostinatos have a classic rock feel, and the rough feel of Harry’s voice and the wonderful high pitched additions from my favourite 1D member Zayn, (had to pop that in) this one is a winner from the start. I also liked that it’s about keeping your hands off of someone else’s partner as it's a different, moral subject to sing about. Overall it’s a sweet song and it slowly introduces fans to this new found rock feel. Also if you haven’t seen the music video, go check it out, it’s a little odd but I kind of loved it. Ready to run, is the next track on the album and although a steadier pace this one is a belter. With the lines ‘Wherever you are is the place I belong’ and ‘Without you I’ll never make it out alive,’ you can tell this is one to melt the fans hearts into a puddle of loveliness. The chorus is full on and you can’t beat a few ‘woahh-ohhs!’ Now Where do Broken Hearts go really surprised me as it has an 80’s anthem groove going on and the vibe is fresh and modern! You can tell this band is trying to run as far away from its X Factor days as possible. I can see this one being a concert hit with fans screaming and banners waving; one of my favourites I have to admit!

I also loved 18 and it’s not just because it was written by the incredible collaboration of Ed Sheeran and Passenger (could it get any better?!) The guitar riffs have a ‘Sheeran’ feel and the melody is stripped back much like many of the songs that feature on his most recent album X. I also loved that Louis got a little solo at the end. We always hear Harry, Liam or Zayn and it’s nice that he got a break to show off that he can take the centre stage. Girl Almighty is a bit of a filler but once again it will get the girls screaming and crying in synchronisation. With funky guitar chords and riffs a plenty this song fits perfectly with the new found sound of the band. Then we hit Fool’s Gold; two words, cheery and sentimental. It’s got that stereotypical happy but sad feel that I love and the harmonies are wonderfully balanced with the music behind and the boys really get to show off their voices.With lyrics such as 'Yeah I know your love's not real but that's not the way it feels' this is another weepy track.

Night Changes, is a wonderful song to show of Zayn’s beautiful voice during the middle 8 section of the song. Overall the song talks of a girl going to meet a boy for a date but it’s also about growing up and maturing (much like the band in this album!) The lyrics sing 'Her mother doesn't like that kinda dress. Reminds of her of the missing piece of innocence she lost...' The lyrics are so much more soulful than their glory days of ‘that’s what makes her beautiful’ and that makes me so happy because there is obviously more to this band than meets the eye. One thing to mention here when talking about the next song, No Control, is that this album certainly has song material variety. This song talks of the day after the night before and although it’s a little raunchy I know it will once again go down an absolute storm in a packed out stadium! Definitely one to dance around to in your room with you hair on top of your head, and your pjs on! Clouds and Spaces both play around with the same kind of motives; one being about a break up, but with a bit of a kick and one about when your boyfriend or girlfriend is being a little uncaring. They both revolve around shaking those feelings off and getting back on your feet. They are both pretty good songs but nothing to scream praises about. Finally we finish with Stockhold Syndrome which I thought was a little odd. It kind of sings of a metaphorical hostage, it’s a weird way to end the album but, I’m sure all the fans will love it (as they will the entire album)

By @littlebookblog1

   mylittlebookblog.wordpress.com