MTV Ex On The Beach - Episode Six

There are only two episodes left! What the bugger are we going to do with our Tuesday nights when it’s all over? It makes us sad to think about that so for now we’ll concentrate on the corking that was episode 6, here’s 19 we learnt…

1. If you get asked a question in Spanish and you answer in English everyone will understand everything – apparently.

2. ‘Do you know what I mean’; we know what you mean Rossy. Please don’t ask us again.

3. There were some weird fancy dress outfits. We think Ash was a ballerina emerging from a top hat and Joss was a transvestite matador.

4. Jack was at it again, ‘Joss let me smell ya fingers’ ah the romance.

5. Ross and Joss like to share.

6. Everyone seems to dump Joss for other guys. Poor pretty Joss.

7. Vicky has very reserved first impressions of people ‘not only is she boring she’s a slag’ – Jack must have been delighted.

8. It takes Jack approximately 6 seconds to get naked.

9. Jack got sad because he couldn’t see Emilys’ tits.

10. Vicky and Dan, sitting in a canoe…

11. Liam admitted defeat ‘me and you couldn’t pull in a brothel’

12. Ash doesn’t mind spending time with Talitha if he has to – how sweet.

13. Ross and Chloe didn’t at all get caught in an innocent yet compromising position. Only someone lurking with a camera could have made it look worse… oh wait…

14. Chloe has a death stare that rivals Ashs’.

15. Ross is running out of screen space for his list of ex heads.

16. We LOVE the psychotic jealous side to Farah. If it were a movie she’d have definitely shaved Shelbys’ head by now.

17. We didn’t enjoy our lack of Marco & Jeff action. This is not acceptable.

18. We’re pretty sure Ash is the hulk, but when he gets angry he doesn’t turn green, his hair just gets taller.

19. Episode 7 looks like total carnage. We cannot wait.

Retro Review - Coming To America

Coming To America

Year Of Release

1988

Worldwide Gross Income 

$288,800,000

Starring

Eddie Murphy
Arsenio Hall
James Earl Jones
John Amos

Prince Akeem (Eddie Murphy) has just turned 21 years old and has everything. Money, power & naked bathers. Being the prince of Zamunda he is expected to marry in an arranged marriage to a woman who has been taught how to be a queen. But that’s not enough for Akeem.

During the wedding ceremony he decides to go to the promised land of America and find his queen.  Along with his faithful companion Semmi (Arsenio Hall) they head to New York where Akeem finds the woman of his dreams.

Will his attempts to seem like a poor goat herder win the heart of Lisa (Shari Headley) or will his attempts prove that money is more important than love?

I love this film, there’s no two ways about it. Not only is it a very sweet movie, but there are moments in this film where you literally laugh out loud. The scenes in the barber shop are my favourite, but I love the scene when they are in the nightclub trying to pick up women and also the ‘breaking the fourth wall’ moments when the characters stare into the camera when a particularly idiotic moment happens.

Amongst the comedy is a beautiful story about love and how you don’t need anything except happiness.

I love this film so much that whenever I see the supporting characters in anything else, like John Amos, I can’t see them as anyone else except their characters in the film.

If you have never seen this film, you need to go out of your way to see it. This was when Eddie Murphy was at his best. Oh, and if you ever wondered what the voice of Darth Vader looks like, he is Eddie Murphy’s film in this film. As a geek, always makes me laugh when he tells Akeem that he is his father.

By Haydn Gleed (@HaydnGleed)

The British Soap Awards - Who's Got Our Vote?

We’re soap nerds. In our heads, for 30 minutes, it’s all very real. They make us laugh, hate, cry and empathise, sometimes with just a look. Soap actors don’t always get the full recognition they deserve, they don’t just play a character for 2 hours with a mega bucks budget and special affects team to back them up, they bring to life characters we love and love to hate day after day. That’s why we always look forward to the soap awards and everything they let us and them celebrate.

Everyone has their favourite soap and their favourite characters and now is the time to let everyone know exactly what and who by VOTING!

Here’s who’s got our votes…

SEXIEST FEMALE

MICHELLE KEEGAN

It’s about time the powers the powers that be just renamed this the Michelle Keegan Award. She is Michelle Keegan, she is the sexiest female.

SEXIEST MALE

DANNY MAC

Now, fellow Hollyoaks McFitty Ashley Taylor Dawson is damn sexy, as is Emmerdales Matthew Wolfenden, but it’s a no brainer. Danny Mac is a beautiful man that’s been carved from our dreams. Just look at his face. Look at it. Appreciate it. Google topless scenes. Vote for him. Then carry on googling.

VILLAIN OF THE YEAR

ANNA PASSEY

All the short-listed nominees are pretty damn bad. Their characters are not the nicest of folks so it was a tough choice. In the end we realised no matter how villainous others have been our vote HAD to go to Anna Passey. Sienna Blake may not be our number one Hollyoaks hate figure anymore but once-up-on-a-time we despised her. The very moment she came on screen our blood quietly boiled. She’s not a traditional violent baddie, she’s so much worse than that. We adore Anna and she seriously needs some shiny award shaped recognition. Her character Sienna Blake had us feeling genuinely angry and agitated when she first began to target the Osborne family, then when that came to a head and we found out more about her past in the space of an episode we empathised, now we find ourselves routing for her happiness. Anna made all that happen. To us the manipulation and genius mind games gave her the edge and won our villain of the year vote.

BEST ACTRESS

STEPHANIE DAVIS

Choosing who got our vote here was the hardest decision by far. We could easily have given our vote to 4 out of the 5 short-listed and be able to justify it. After much thought we decided to vote Stephanie Davis. Over past months Steph has led her character Sinead through every emotion you could possibly imagine and she’s delivered them with genuine brilliance. From hating her as the school bully, to feeling sorry for her as she became embroiled in prostitution, to having our heartbroken alongside her when baby Katy died. It’s been a master class. Do the right thing, vote Stephanie Davis!

BEST ACTOR

KIERON RICHARDSON

Another hard one! We narrowed it down to Jeremy, David and Kieron, each possess so much talent and have won us over for very different reasons, but it’s Kierons constant wowing that made our decision. For years now Kieron has performed every single storyline thrown his way impeccably, making us not only believe it, but feel it. His cry is quite possibly one of the most heartbreaking cries we’ve ever seen. It’s a travesty Kieron hasn’t won this award in the past, we believe now it’s his time. Vote Kieron!

BEST BRITISH SOAP

HOLLYOAKS

Our last vote may not come as much surprise considering our other choices. Hollyoaks is the only soap we never miss a single episode of. It’s the only soap that makes us gasp. It’s the only soap that continues to genuinely surprise us. It’s the only soap we ever considered voting for. Yes it may not have the sheer number of viewers as the others and yes some people still like to stereotype it as beautiful people who can’t act – they’re only half right. Let’s all VOTE HOLLYOAKS! (The casts’ reaction alone would be worth it).

Who’s getting your vote?

Make sure you decided before 3pm Friday the 23^rd (tomorrow) when voting closes!

www.britishsoapawards.tv

MTV Ex On The Beach - Episode Five

Episode 5 is done and dusted, a love pentagon, man bits, Disney characters, sexy air guitar and a milky mishap; what more could we possibly want? (Those slow-mo showers scenes we mentioned would be nice). Here’s what we learnt this week…

1. Farah doing bootcamp in an inside-out skirt made us laugh more than it should have.

2. The dread that appears on their faces when they have to go to the beach fills us with evil joy.

3. Girls who have respect for themselves are just no fun – with wisdom like that Jack & Liam will be touring primary schools as life coaches.

4. Jack has a beautiful way with words and really high-standards. Poor lad just wants a bird who’s a slag to ‘jump on me pipe’ (folks from our neck of the woods have such a dreamy accent don’t they)

5. Joss is a Disney dream guy.

6. Joss kissed his own bicep – if we had balls they’d have shriveled up from the sheer cringe levels on his behalf.

7. Only Joss can make shorts that are clearly made out of the skin of Big Bird after he’s been binging on glow stick ‘juice’ look sexy.

8. Farah really made us want to find our Pocahontas/John Smith love alternative.

9. Whenever Marco talks we find ourselves wondering how he fits Jeff under those hats. Mystery.

10. The love pentagon was born.

11. Vicky christened Emma-Jane and Talitha ‘penis partners’ - we’re starting our campaign for ‘penis partners’ to have equal rights.

12. Vicky also gives exception, profound, heartfelt relationship advice. She’s basically the Girl Guide guru.

13. Emily was more excited than a randy puppy that’s just spotted a bare leg at the thought of going on another date with Liam.

14. Ashley’s dinner table death stare made another appearance when Vicky mentioned how Joss likes to share the love – this time the poor couscous did a little wee.

15. To win Emily over all you have to do it gatecrash Doris’ funeral and treat her to the free buffet – definitely don’t take her camping!

16. Talitha kissed Joss and Ash like totally doesn’t know and oh my god the potential drama is totes brewing.

17. The beautiful beast Dan going to ‘sleep’ after being hypnotised had to be rewound and re-watched at least 15 times. We recommend slow-mo.

18. Ash and his sexy air guitar dance will definitely catch on.

19. If Ashleys’ man bits make a second appearance we’re going to have to name them. Pablo is hard on for as front-runner.

20. Without a fondle camping is shit.

21. Liam got over-zealous with his milk.

22. We salute Liams’ stirring prep work. No shoddy mixing with this one.

INTERVIEW - Wayne Lineker

We spoke to bonafide legend and all round cool chap Wayne Lineker about this summers World Cup going hand in hand with Linekers Bars, as well as Curbbz, The Ocean Beach Club and his 'ultimate sacrifice' challenge...

Hi Wayne, are you looking forward to the World Cup?

Yes I am. I love the World Cup as the atmosphere in Linekers is crazy and gives me a great buzz.

What makes Linekers Bars one of the most popular places for people to watch live matches?

I guess it’s because it has become iconic to watch the big games at Linekers and our clients know they will have fun watching the match with us. When England score it just goes mental.

During past World Cups’ what’s the atmosphere been like in your bars when England play?

It’s just the best. From face painting, to singing all the famous England songs, there is a buzz that surrounds the bars that you can’t find anywhere else.

If you could watch the Final in any of the Linekers bars which would you choose?

That’s a tough one as the Marbella and Zante bars are so strong. But I would have to choose Ibiza.

Do you have anything special planned for the bars during the world cup?

We’re just gonna do what we do!

You’ll be playing the Balls To Cancer charity single from tribute band Sockus Quo throughout your bars, what made you want to get involved and help out?

I just think it’s a really fun song and the boys doing it are good lads. It’s also for a great cause.

Who do you think will win?

Brazil!

We can’t not mention your new brand Curbbz, since it’s launch we’ve seen them on some pretty famous wrists. Are you pleased with how well it’s taken off?

Yes, so pleased with the success so far and it’s looking better by the week. A lot of celebrities have been wearing them on various TV shows. Rough Copy had them on every week during the X Factor, which was amazing for us.

Did you expect it to become so popular so quickly?

We only launched the product in November so it’s all happened so fast but I guess I always hoped I could put it out there as fast as it has; I’m very chuffed with myself for this. When my business partner Adam first showed me the bracelet I always believed in it. It’s unique and has found a nice little niche in the market.

Do you plan to expand the brand into other accessories?

Yes we are looking at designs now that again my partner Adam has come up with. He’s a very creative guy.

Who would you love to see sporting a Curbbz bracelet on their wrist one day?

David Beckham. When it’s spotted on his wrist it’s game over.

You've just announced your ultimate sacrifice charity challenge for the summer, how hard is not having a single drop of alcohol going to be for you?

It’s going to be so tough especially as I will be at Ocean Beach every day and then Linekers every night, constantly surrounded by people drinking and having fun.

What made you decide you wanted to do something like this?

I just felt that after 26 summers on the trot being pissed every night it’s time I gave a bit back and this is the perfect opportunity to do it. That, and raising lots of money for charity.

Why did you pick Children In Need as the charity to benefit?

Because I love children and they have the rest of their lives ahead of them and they deserve a chance in life like all the more fortunate ones.

Can we expect any more charity challenges from you when this ones a success?

Yes, absolutely. Although there definitely won’t be any so tough!

The new Ocean Beach Club Ibiza opens this Friday, are you excited?

Incredibly excited. There's been so much hype this pre-season I feel it's going to be an amazing year.

What can people expect to find when they get there?

They can expect to have the best day of their life.

  

There's a lot of hype on social media about the opening, are you proud that on reputation alone it's already looking like a huge hit?

Yes! So proud of what we have achieved in just 2 years.

Why should people make the Ocean Beach Club their place to be in Ibiza?

Because it's just so right!! We pride ourselves on giving our clients the best possible time at still affordable prices.

Fearne and McBusted

When we first heard this was happening, we were patiently excited. When we first saw the trailer, we were abundantly excited. Now we know when it’s on, we’re super-frickin-mega-excited!

It’s a two-part show where Fearne Cotton has been given unprecedented access to the supergroup. As a close friend of all the boys you can guarantee it’ll be personal, honest and a huge giant laugh.

Fearne says: “I’m a fan of both bands and have been genuinely intrigued by this super group since it was first announced.  They all have a fascinating story to tell and I’m thrilled McBusted allow me this access to tell their story.”

There’ll be teary chats, honest revelations, tattoo roulette and plenty of behind the scenes action from their super super tour.

Part 1 – Wednesday 21^st May – ITV2 – 9pm

Part 2 – Thursday 22^nd May – ITV2 – 9pm

We can’t bloody wait.

MTV Ex On The Beach - Episode Four

Well that sure was a goody wasn’t it! Stirring, Ex’s, Bitching, Perfect! The drama is getting bigger and better and so are the ratings. We’re well and truly hooked! Here’s everything we learnt from episode 4…

1. Liam is not only an A-grade stirrer he’s also a big softy. Package.

2. Pastels. Pastels. Pastels.

3. We love hulk AKA woah he’s huge AKA beast AKA Australian Dan.

4. The look on Ross’ face when Dan popped out the water was like he’d just seen an albino T-Rex ripping the head off his favourite beanie baby in the distance.

5. We NEED more slow-mo shower scenes – cough Dan cough.

6. Frankenstein has gone; we might even miss the crazy. Although we probably won’t.

7. Marco and more importantly Jeff is now a free man (barnet).

8. Dan popped his cork and got Chloe a bit wet.

9. Ashley does a legendary death stare across the dinner table. We’re pretty sure the potato salad crapped itself.

10. It was massage round 2 for Ash and Chloe; he’s got quite a unique technique.

11. Soppy Vicky is adorable. We want to go to the wedding – if it’s on Bondi beach.

12. We kept seeing a blonde girl on screen and thinking ‘hmm Emily looks different’ then they flashed up her name. Sorry Emma-Jane, we forgot you existed.

13. There still wasn’t enough Jack action.

14. The wrath of Farah was unleashed.

15. Chloe is still a mans girls but she’s going to try and be a girls girl for the rest of the show.

16. Emily and Vicky need their own show.

17. Talitha gets more and more adorable.

18. From chief stirrer to puppet master, is there no end to Liams’ talents?

19. The soundtrack gets better and better.

20. We didn’t think it was possible but next weeks looks EVEN BETTER.

McBusted - Live Tour Review

Ever since the most super of supergroups was formed we’ve been wetting ourselves with excitement and anticipation. Luckily we got our hands on some great tickets for Sunday 10^th May in Manchester and bejeezuz it was hoot.

After only just escaping a food coma in TGI Fridays we made our way to the arena (cheers mother nature for choosing that exact time to piss it down) and headed straight for the merch. We don’t normally buy merchandise, but seeing as it was McBusted we made an exception, that and the fact they’d hidden OMFG Zone tickets in the OMFG tins; we didn’t win so a consolation slushy was called for.

Once inside the first support act hit the stage, Young Brando; they were ok. They got some of the crowd going and seemed to be having fun; unfortunately they just didn’t float our metaphoric boat. Next up were a band called The 3 Dudes, as they walked on stage a collective ‘what the fuck’ appeared across everyone over the age of 20 faces; the band were children. It got a bit awkward when they started twerking and chatting to the crowd about hot babes; they were CHILDREN. That aside they weren’t too bad. The final support act was EOfE, and we bloody loved them! The lead singer Tom completely grabbed out attention with his fantastic voice and the lead guitarist was pretty damn good too.

After a mini wait the lights went dark, the screams went wild and the excitement boiled over. A bloody brilliant VT where Matt and James had to get back to the future or McBusted would be no more was played to the eager crowd before an illuminated delorean descended from above. Out popped Matt and James as the McFly boys erupted from the stage. The superness had begun.

We’d took a peek at the set-list beforehand and were a little sadfaced at the McFly to Busted ratio of songs, but it couldn’t have been more perfect. Every hit, every classic, everything we hoped to hear. Sleeping with the light on and Room on the 3^rd floor were our personal highlights.

The set was simple, but definitely not understated. Harry was in his usual spot elevated at the back of the stage, the front of the stage was home to just their mic stands lending a clear path to the circular runway. It couldn’t really have been done any different; the boys require plenty of space to run around like toddlers high on blue smarties and jump up and down as high as they possibly can with added scissor kicks. Then there was the ‘UFO’, a second stage towards the rear of the arena that was quite literally designed to look like a UFO, from here they descended to Star Girl, perfect, and played a few songs, it all looked pretty damn spectacular.

The whole show had a laid back, high energy, friends just playing some songs together kind of feel. Their chemistry on stage showed they were having just as much fun as we were. From Matt Willis nearly taking off someones head with his T-shirt gun, to Dougie and his own brand of ‘between song chat’ and Harry wearing nothing but his drummer face (and some jeans), not to forget Tom and his ‘special dancing’ it was wholeheartedly super.

We Want More!

Broadchurch - Series Two.

Broadchurch was arguably one of the best shows on our telly box last year, in fact there is no argument; it was!

We were pretty delighted when they revealed there was going to be a second series and now the main cast has been announced we’re even more excited. At first we were a little worried that everything would be different, the cast, the feel, the essence; that it’d be called Broadchurch but it wouldn’t BE Broadchurch. But we fear that no more!

ITV, Kudos and Imaginary Friends have confirmed that David Tennant will return as Alec Hardy, whilst Olivia Colman resumes her role as Ellie Miller, Jodie Whittaker and Andrew Buchan, who play Danny’s parents Beth and Mark Latimer, will also return to their roles, alongside Arthur Darvill as local vicar Paul Coates. What a cast.

They’ve also assured fans that in keeping with the first series, secrecy and intrigue will be the main focus surrounding the story. Nothing else has yet been revealed, and we kind of want it to stay that way.

Filming begins very soon in Dorset. Yay.

Pockat Want You!

Want to earn some extra cash? Fancy yourself as a social media whiz? See yourself being a part of an up and coming brand? Then we might have just the thing for you…

Pockat are on the hunt for new team members as they look to expand their brand and spread the Pockat word! It’s an exciting brand with fantastic products (the new SS14 range sneak peeks look amazing) and a brilliant opportunity for anyone willing to put in the work.

They want people who are entrepreneurial, out-going, fun-loving, up for a laugh (if only all job specifications sounded like this) and willing to put their all into promoting the brand.

If you’re sitting there reading this nodding along and you want to get involved, then get in contact with the legends at Pockat - howdy@pockat.co.uk - make sure you include a covering letter explaining why you’re interested in joining the team. 

World Cup - Celebrity Squads

With the World Cup squad announcement just around the corner we asked some famous faces to put themselves in the shoes of England manager and pick their 23-man squad. Some put quite a lot of thought into it, by quite a lot we mean came up with their own philosophies and moral code when it came to picking players; they play Football Manager!

There wasn’t that many surprise inclusions and on the whole squads barely differed with the exception of a few players. Tom Mann made it clear his squad was picked based on performance, commitment and application, under no circumstances was wages and reputation having influence. Ricky went for a mix of youth and experience for his starting 11 pinning his hopes on excitement from the likes of Sterling and Barkley to Milner, Gerrard and Co putting in an experience shift. Dan decided that despite his lack of playing time Lescott was worth a pick and Ricky and us brought Terry out of retirement. Whereas Josh went for youngster John Stones, we followed suit with Lascelles just because we can. On the theme of just because we can, we decided it was time Beckham came out of retirement. 

Who would you cheer on as England manager based on their squad selection? Or would you be picking completely different players?