TOWIE - Episode Four

Episode four and still no repercussions from the Jasmin ‘he said, she said’ debacle – we feel let down. We did however get a whole dose of manly, muscle action (thank you) and a whole load of opinions. Here’s what we learnt…

1. When a show starts with the sentence ‘A little swag for your entertainment…’ we will throw up a little in our mouth.

2. Boys breakfast chat is like Jack Black, light hearted, cheeky and funny. Girls sauna chat is like Anne Hathaway, serious, whiney and overrated.

3. It’s one thing calling Ricky, ‘Jess’s little bitch,’ but insulting the beard combing process is a step too far Sims!

4. Someone needs to tell Lydia it’s quite simple, if she doesn’t want to be his mum stop acting like she is.

5. Arg is like a weird version of Snow White, getting his little helpers to do all the housework for him, we’re surprised he didn’t burst out into song.

6. All that stretching led to some educational post-baby nunny chat. Billie should release a book or truths.

7. Opinions opinions opinions. Gemma thinks Chloe's right blah blah blah, but logic suggests if she did reeeeeeeally love him, she'd forgive him doing a stupid.

8. Ironed linen is marriage material

9. The Essex strongest man competition really could have benefited from costumes, we were thinking Speedos and bow ties.

10. We've ever seen someone as excited as to Ricky to beat Elliott since a kid in our class got two toys in their kinder egg!

11. Dan is a beautiful beast.

12. Lockie was rocking some serious hulk shoulders in that white vest. His audition for the lead role in the next die hard movie went very well.

13. For the first time in a whoile we feel sorry for Lewis. Fran's voice, aimed right at him... nobody should have to deal with that.

14. The beard clearly has powers. Ricky pulling that car did something to our ovaries.

15. Hmmmmmmmm we don't remember Elliott putting it exactly like that Gemma. That story had more spin on it than the waltzers.