TOWIE - Episode Six.

Episode 6 and Jasmin-watch reports zero sightings. The fallout from the Jess and Ricky drama sure wasn’t pretty and neither was Diags’ Halloween costume. Here’s what we learnt…

1. Carol shares our love of a good metaphor! “He's lost the world, you've lost an island.”

2. Ricky feels bad that he doesn't feel bad. Kind of like when you see someone drop a pound then pick it up and keep it.

3. ‘Pile drive you.’ Oh the romance.

4. Lewis called Fran a pug. We’re not sure why she’s mad, it could have been worse...

5. The only spirits in Essex are Grey Goose and Tequila.

6. Love, lies and ludicrous headgear: The almost love story of Elliott and Chloe, not coming to cinemas near you.

7. Lauren is Chloe's rebound.

8. Elliott showcased the internationally recognisable face of ‘eurgh’ for when a relative talks about their sex life in front of you.

9. The boys have clearly had enough of the ‘Halloween is a girls excuse to dress like a slut’ rule and have decided it's now another excuse for them to get their nips out instead. Equal opportunities and all that.

10. Diags looked more like someone who’d left Chloe’s salon after an in-depth hair combing than medusa

11. Fran is FUMING, the vein we’ve named Sid in her neck gave it away. She needs to put down the pint and count to 115.

12. Lewis' hair was looking much more Leo Di Caprio and far less Clare Balding; thank the hair gods.

13. Can you read? Tommy went from insulting to adorable quicker than  a Cheryl whatsherface engagement.

14. Danielle is about as subtle as Kylie Jenner’s lips.

15. The green beard kinda works for us. Speaking of beards, Mario’s now qualifies and my god that boy rocks a chin covering!

16. Lockie looked like a choirboy that had been asked to stay late, caught in the middle of the drama.

17. Ooooow the mother jibe! That’s lower than Hugh Hefner’s balls.