TOWIE - Episode Five

Episode five and one of our first ever without any Arg action, now the naughty chap is suspended at least we don’t have to listen to Lydia nagging about being his surrogate mum; thank god. Wednesday night was full of some serious domestics as well as the return of Jasmin (again). Here’s what we learnt…

1. Jasmin is alive! She turns up and then disappears more often than Kim Jong Un.

2. Naked ladies send Fran’s voice supersonic; only dogs could hear her.

3. Ricky is a man grrrrr, he’s got a beard and a new restaurant underway! We can't wait to have a mouthful of his meat.

4. Oh sad Diags. Seeing him cry is like watching a puppy get kicked in the face.

5. Chloe and Lauren are talking again! It's like when the spice girls reunited.

6. Fran is the new poster girl for irrationality.

7. We heart the Lockie and Elliot bromance, they’re like Hulk and Thor.

8. Ricky gone done a bit of a bad and Jess is about as happy as a kid without a toy in their kinder egg about it!

9. Vas was rocking that outfit at Jasmins party! We think it classes as being on trend.

10. Mario is a godlike Bollywood Prince.

11. Tom and George made Britney's Vegas wedding seem like a long-term relationship.

12. The beard and guy-liner combo. So right, but so wrong.

13. We prefer the mallet bangra skank remix to the original.

14. The we need to talk sentence... more fearsome than the ‘you’ve got something on your face’ and ‘it’s the police’.