The Only Way Is Essexmas

It felt like forever since the last series of TOWIE ended, how dare they all go on holiday’s and live actual lives?! Thankfully our Essex taste buds were treated to a mouthwatering helping of festive action. There was a booze cruise, wood chopping, make ups and bus shoving! Here’s what we learnt…

1. Mario and Lockie got wood.

2. Diags does Christmas decorations like a thumb-less kid colours in.

3. Bobby thinks boats have turbulence.

4. Mario can do math’s.

5. Cain Dingle is a god, shame on you Mario!

6. Bobby seeing Gemma on the ferry was like an owner being reunited with their dog that ran away 12 years ago.

7. “Oh shit I've swallowed it” we bet that’s not the first time Ferne’s said that.

8. You can take the Lewis out of Essex but you can’t take the Essex out of Lewis 'oui plonk mate'

9. It only took Gemma 3 minutes to start giving people life advice they didn't ask for.

10. Ricky has a song. An actual song. With music and words and stuff! He's not that easy na na na na not that easy. He just got another 7% more attractive.

11. Mario and Ricky are no longer just Beard brothers, they’re now ink kin.

12. Gemma doesn't talk about Ferne behind her back... flashback to 5 scenes earlier.

13. Lockie needs to work on a low volume phone voice either that or Danielle has hearing like Labrador.

14. Our love for Danielle became as strong as our love for cheesecake and our dislike for Gemma became as strong as our dislike for feet in the space of one conversation.

15. Vas the narrator was looking on trend, nicely styled tea towel.

16. The Ricky Shepard look is a grower not a shower.

17. Fat Dan does it for us. We feel dirty.

18. Billie doesn't do subtle.

19. Tommy and Georgia are the blonde posh and becks... If you squint and press mute.

20. Ferne the troublemaker? Pot, kettle, gold sequins.

21. Watching Ricky and Jess be civil is like watching one dog stroke another, awkward but adorable.

22. That Christmas carol? We wouldn't recommend a second TOWIE single.

You can pre-order Ricky's single HERE and do a good deed, 20% will be going to The Cure Parkinsons Trust.