TOWIE - Episode Nine.

The penultimate episode of TOWIE hit our screens Sunday night there were family feuds, roller-skates, DIY and some Arg bashing. The only thing missing was Dan and Lockie topless in dungarees… oh wait! Here’s what we learnt…

1. Dan and Lockie are the new chuckle brothers, only less hairy and 7% more handsome.

2. Chemistry is like Chlamydia, you’ve either got it or you haven’t. Bobby is the new Yoda.

3. There was a family feud at a wedding. That’s about as rare as Arg putting his foot it in.

4. Ricky was staying well out of it. Wise, wise boy.

5. Lydia’s sister Georgia has arrived, now there’s two of them. They’re multiplying!

6. Oh look Jasmin is still on TOWIE!

7. Lewis won’t be the face of B&Q any time soon.

8. It’s all Arg’s fault. Always.

9. Debbie must have an ‘I heart Arg’ t-shirt hidden away somewhere.

10. We get the impression Georgia doesn’t like Arg very much. In fact she probably like thrush more than him.

11. It’s only a matter of time before the Sims family brings out a range of headgear. It’ll be coming to a T K Maxx near you.

12. Tom got 18% more attractive every time he appeared on screen. Which was only about 3 times, but still, the curls and stubble action is working for us.

13. If roller-skating was an Olympic sport Vas would win Gold, but only if the team outfits were on trend, obviously.

14. After all that with Arg, Georgia didn’t even get a milkshake!

15. It’s mandatory in Essex for every guy to own a pair of tight white jeans. Lockie was rocking them like a Sailor at a Wham concert.

16. Chloe and Ferne were alone in a room together and not a single insult was thrown. That’s some serious progress.

17. We will never laugh within 15 feet of Danielle just incase she thinks we’re laughing at her.

18. Lauren needs to get some friends apparently.

19. Being told off by Jess is like being told off by the really lovely teacher everyone likes, she’s not angry she’s just disappointed. We feel ashamed on Arg’s behalf.

20. During the Jess V Arg V Elliott ‘chat’, Ricky looked like a toddler who was about to start tugging on his penis to make the grownups stop shouting.

21. Ricky wins the award for best conversation exit, ever.