TOWIE - Episode Eight.

We missed Sunday’s episode, we’re so ashamed. Our TOWIE education has been stunted and we missed the Arg and Lydia revelation. It won’t happen again. Wednesday’s episode gave us some actual genuine emotional moments; we didn’t think they had it in them! Here’s what we learnt…

1. It’s true. Shopping does make everything ok. Vas is so wise.

2. Arg’s shorts are always too short.

3. Gemma and Danny Dyer are the Essex dream. Or nightmare, we can’t decide.

4. Tom looked like the beautiful love child of Rambo and Action Man.

5. When Vas had a teary face we wanted to hug him and squish his adorable little cheeks.

6. Danielle and Vas’s ‘make up’ was the most genuine conversation we’ve seen on TOWIE is year!

7. We’re considering setting up a fund to pay for Ricky’s therapy after walking in on Arg and Lydia’s morning fun.

8. Elliott in proud big brother mode is more adorable than a baby hugging a puppy with three legs.

9. Fernes ‘black book’ of men was basically the Essex phonebook.

10. Lockie having his back, sack and crack wax was too good not to watch twice. He has a chest as smooth as a baby’s bum and the arse of big foot!

11. Lauren couldn’t stay mad at baby face Bloor for longer than 15 seconds. She held out well.

12. All Gemma wants is a proper geezer with the manners of a prince and the bank balance of an heir… because they exist.

13. Debbie doesn’t even get fazed when Arg overshares, this is proof she’s had to endure it far too often.

14. Ricky missed half the wedding because he was staring at Jess… our ovaries just melted.

15. Jess looked bloody beautiful. Like a Disney princess without the evil Queen or dwarves.

16. Ferne set Gemma up with a 23 year old she met in Vegas who’d already kissed her. I don’t think we’ve found the next Cilla.

17. We don’t know exactly what Dan, Diags and Lewis were talking about, we were far too busy staring at Dan.

18. THE GC HAS TO STOP!

19. Danielle and Lauren both standing at the bar wasn’t even slightly awkward. Said no one ever.

20. Elliott should write a book on romance.

21. Arg should buy an advanced copy.