Big Brother - The Launch, Part 2.

It was with some considerable sadness that it was discovered that the opening night of Big Brother 2013 was met with the worst ratings in the show's history. Just over 2 million watched the launch, which frankly is a shame. Especially if you consider the fact that Channel 5's horrific first celebrity series opened with a rating touching the 8 million mark.
I sincerely hope that this year wins the public over – because tonight put the wheels in motion for what could be a potentially excellent series.

We started with the highlights from the housemates' first night in the house. Already they’re turning out NOT like their VTs and amazingly, the bitching has already started. 

After the baffled housemates wandered back into the house after apparently watching their belongings be reduced to dust, they seemed quick to comfort puppet Michael as he sat apparently devastated over the choice that had been forced upon him.
Jemima, who was by far the star of the highlights tonight, was far more concerned with bitching to him about the ever fascinating Dexter.
Dexter, like him or not, is a truly excellent housemate. He is going to drive both the rest of the House and us to distraction.
What's more interesting though is the argument that occurred between him and Sideboob Sallie. There's a sense that the two already know each other  (and allegedly slept with other before going into the house!). Dexter's VT proudly stated about the time that he had spent £121,000 in one night on champagne. It didn't seem like something he was particularly embarrassed by until Sallie revealed this and the fact that he had paid money for prostitutes to some of the other housemates. Dexter was not happy about this at all. Was it because he genuinely regrets these actions or because he was made to look less than savoury to those he was trying to impress? Sallie, who it is safe to say has the tact and diplomacy of a cattle prod was quick to bring the others up to speed on his escapades.
Although the resulting spat was a mild row by BB standards (we are only in Day 1 at this point after all), it set the scene for some bizarre scenes with the two of them later. After putting their differences aside, the two seemed to join together. Whether this was out a grudging respect for the other or to keep themselves within a safe distance as they both seemed to have scandal on the other remains to be seen. They could become a frightening combination. As Jemima and Sam got to know each other better, Sallie and Dexter started hovering around Sam like a weird tabloid version of the angel and devil on his shoulder, giving him advice. Sallie clearly utterly despises Jemima already and was surprisingly harsh to her considering they've only known each other a few hours by this point.

 Sallie and Wolfy have also professed their undying mutual love of each other, which we know means they’ll be at each other’s throats by Monday.

Of course, this was nothing to what Jemima was up too. She was hammered on two jam jars and as the evening went on she was becoming more and more drunk and a frankly bizarre relationship appears to be developing between her and Sam. This is the boy who pretty much opened the conversation between them with “you'll make my winkie expand,” and as the wine flowed she was soon all over him...with, it has to be said, not a massive amount of resistance from him. If this is going where it certainly seems to be going then we are frankly into uncharted territory. A cougar and a boy who looks about twelve. The last time this happened was between Lea and Glyn and that was disturbing enough in it's self. Whether they end up as a showmance or not, in Jemima we at least have Denise Welch reborn, which like it or not was ridiculously entertaining.
After an excellent set of highlights, it was back to the business of Launch Night part the second and the remaining housemates strutted their way up the catwalk... And what a treat.

Starting with Gina. Dear...God.  Gina is a self proclaimed spoiled lady of leisure. At 24 years of age, she apparently lives on an allowance from her parents of £10,000 a month. She doesn't even have the good grace to act humbly about this and happily admits that she is going to struggle on her own in the house. She doesn't know how to use a washing machine, which fortunately is not going to be a problem while she's in there. Unsurprisingly, She was the only housemate throughout either of the Launch Nights to really get a negative reaction from the crowd, but she didn't really seem that bothered about what the peasants below her had to say.  She lives at The Savoy but wears cheap hair extensions.

Next in was the housemate that had caused such a buzz in the press; ex policeman Dan. There was no mention as to whether he had been involved in any of the Yewtree investigations but he is supposedly the cooper who nicked Jim Davidson in the Savile inquiry – which forced Jim out of CBB – but Dan steps out of the force to enter Big Brother - oh the irony. 

In our opinion he clearly loves himself more than we love him, and he claims his stint on Big Brother is his “Next Chapter”. He is also gay and this wasn't in doubt for a moment. To be fair though, being a camp policeman  in the force can't have been the easiest thing at times, so perhaps he has a bit of depth to him. 

Things then steered into the old and tired with housemate number twelve, Hazel. If we say the words “Irish, pretty and model” to you, then you have more or less got her worked out. In there purely to give Callum something to do. Amazingly, she received quite a positive reaction from the crowd.

Next in was somebody with far more depth, Daley.  Daley is a boxer who seems to be ridiculously deep and philosophical. He appears to be somebody who will handle life in the house in a very methodical way which leads me to believe that he's either incredibly chilled out or has a bigger game plan than anybody else in there. He's currently  the runaway favourite to win on Twitter. Can’t see really see why ourselves... “I’m crazy” usually means “I'm dull” on this show. But also likely to go under the radar to stay in right to the end. Callum does NOT look happy with his competition.

And finally...the mother and daughter. Jackie (59) and Charlie who's 26. They seem to have quite an interesting relationship. They say that if they are going to have an argument, which is quite likely as they would describe themselves as “volatile,” then they will; cameras and housemates or not. What I do like is that they are separate housemates which hopefully means that Charlie, and ex drug addict and somebody who gives the impression of somebody that she could be a bit of stroppy mare, will end up nominating her mother or vice versa.  It also means that they can't discuss nominations with each other but they do therefore get two separate votes each, which could be quite an effective battle plan against the twins.

This feels like the best housemate line up for YEARS!

And then, as if all that wasn't enough, Big Brother pulled the strings on the People's Puppet again. Michael was called to the Diary Room, after all the housemates had entered, and was presented with a pizza and a pint of beer. The housemates meanwhile were “secretly” informed by Big Brother that he had a secret to share with them and then, as the housemates watched on the plasma, offered Michael the chance to have the pizza and beer in exchange for the newbies' suitcase destruction. As the housemates watched, Big Brother told Michael that the blame for the shredding of the new housemates' belongings would be put across as a choice made entirely by Big Brother. Michael decided to spare the suitcases this time, much to the housemates' relief. We voted to save the newbies’ suitcases, but the housemates think Michael chose it, so now they’ve actually fallen for his ‘act’. Incredible. But the twists were not quite over. Big Brother informed Michael, to the rest of the houses' shock that he, as head of house, would be the only housemate eligible to nominate this  week and that in a couple of days he was to choose three housemates that would face the public vote.
But as Michael is our puppet, it falls to us to make that choice for him. Tomorrow's highlights show will see the lines open for us to decide who is up for eviction. It surely presents us with a perfect opportunity to get rid of a boring housemate, which to me means hopefully getting rid of either Callum or Hazel. We beg of you to save Sideboob Sallie -  the woman is tabloid GOLD. Thank you Big Brother, we LOVE it!!!

Who goes? WE decide!