Episode two and we’re savouring every moment of Vicky screen time we can, when she leaves, we will sob. Things started off fairly rosy, yes Aaron was still in Marnie’s bad books but that didn’t last long and everyone was looking forward to Holly’s birthday bash. Then Gaz the bitch came out to play and the proverbial hit the fan. Here’s what we learnt…
1. If Aaron could have got away with not telling Marnie he would have. Like not owning up to a silent fart.
2. Charlotte smuggled Hagrid into the Geordie Shore house between her legs.
3. Now we’ve seen Charlotte having a wax, we fear for future childbirths.
4. Taking relationship advise from Gaz is like taking hair style advice from Kim Jong Un.
5. James has relinquished his role as man with a face and taken on the position of cupid.
6. Drunk Marnie went on a rampage, murdering Brenda the blow-up doll and assaulting Aaron with a plastic tray. Keep her away from the spoons or it’ll be a bloodbath.
7. Scotty T and his green screen choppy hands are back.
8. Vicky’s line of the night about Aaron and his cherry transferring “Everyone’s got a little bit of gay in them, he's going to have a but if Gary in him”
9. We always thought Scott would make an excellent gay, but his shocking lack of strength really limits his potential.
10. Everyone thought the only thing on the rocks with Charlotte was her booze.
11. Vicky looked slightly like a meth-extra from Breaking Bad during the morning bed chat. This is exactly why we love her.
12. Croissants and dildos – the new birthday breakfast package available from Hallmark soon.
13. Aaron listened to Gary, silly boy. That’s like stroking a hedgehog with a balloon; it’s going to blow up in your face.
14. They can't help but stare at an actual functional relationship.
15. Fairy fairy cakes went down a storm.
16. Kyle makes a beautiful knight in shining fur.
17. Gaz the little bitch came out to play again. Someone needs to explain the meanings of hypocrite and irony to him.
18. Praise The Lord. Scotty the wise man calling out Gaz for his double standards.