Geordie Shore - Episode Two.

Episode 2 of Geordie Shore and already our first house fight! There was also Unicorn demands, more Topshop t-shirts, lady balls and of course, VICKY! Here’s what we learnt…

1. Holly is sassy now and everyone needs to remember that.

2. Guys bonding over cleaning up. Girls bonding at the gym. Are we in the right universe?

3. A Unicorn, a black rose and a star. That’s a wish list a 13-year-old emo would be proud of.

4. James’s v-necks are getting so low these days it won’t be long before he’s just strutting round in a mankini.

5. We couldn’t tell if the Irish stag party was more excited at the prospect of shots or a lap dance from Marnie. Probably the shots; they were Irish.

6. Gaz should write a book on double standards.

7. QUEEN VICKY IS BACK!

8. Everyone looked as excited as a dog licking its balls to see Vicky return.

9. She really missed those twats.

10. Gaz is like a dog with two and dicks and Marnie would flirt with a lamppost. Oh how we’ve missed these legendary one-liners!

11. Topshop t-shirts are clearly sponsoring the show.

12. Bitch if you have a phone answer it. It’s rule one of phone ownership.

13. Scott’s dislike for brunch is adorable.

14. Aaron may have dropped lad points but he gained serious girl points. Well he would if they existed, but seeing as girls aren’t egotistical cavemen they don’t.

15. The Scotty T home delivery service providing you with bunches of man the fuck up, will be launching soon.

16. Shocker, Gaz has about as much will power as Charlie Sheen in hooters.

17. Kissing Vicky is worthy of its very own chant. Scott looked delighted she found her lady balls.

18. Gaz has been taking lessons from Vicky Pollard in how to not look bothered.

19. We don’t condone violence but if it’s going to happen it may as well be topless.

20. Vicky went Putin on their asses!