TOWIE is officially back and treating us to a TOWIM special. There’s drama a plenty when this bunch is in Essex so add some sun and some swimwear and things are going to get steamy! Part one hit out screens last night and once again they didn’t disappoint. Here’s things we learnt from part one…
1. Those half tan budgie smugglers will be the stars of our future nightmares.
2. ‘Barry’ the Brangelina of Brentwood?
3. We’ve gone back in time and are reliving the Arg/Lydia retro drama. Please make it stop!
4. Charlie looks like he’s stepped out of an Italian gangster film, stopping off at the Wolf Of Wall Street set on his way.
5. Grace is no less irrelevant than last series.
6. Vas is a cross between a Zoolander extra and a Bond villain. It shouldn’t work but it kind of does.
7. Elliott has the manners of a Disney prince and the body of a dirty, sweaty gladiator.
8. ‘Darlings…’ is how Gemma now has to enter any room, ever.
9. Ricky knows how to work a floral shirt.
10. Tom has got 37% more attractive since last series.
11. Chloe and Elliott are cuter than a puppy cuddling a baby chick wearing pyjamas.
12. Lewis’ only white bits are his size, age 14, shorts.
13. We will never tire of staring at Dan. Ever.
14. GC will never catch on, please stop trying to make it happen.
15. Bobby doesn’t work for MFI so he doesn’t need to be spied on and he can’t get you a discount on a three piece suite.
16. Ferne did some frolicking in Vegas. We still love Farlie? Cherne?
17. Arg needs to work on his smooth talking. “Your boobs have got bigger” will never be an acceptable compliment.
18. Late night pool dipper Imogen is the legendary Imogen from off of BINTM.