Geordie Shore - Episode One.

Geordie Shore is officially BACK! Oh how we’ve missed those Geordie scoundrels getting mortal and christening the shag pad. Episode one was minus legends Vicky and Charlotte but we did get to see newcomer Aaron in action. It didn’t take them long to get into the swing of things. Here’s what we learnt…

1. Holly is looking frickin’ hot!

2. Scotty doesn’t understand the logistics of a surprise.

3. Oh James you joker you… someone needs to help him out with the definition of funny, please.

4. Word of the day. Sassy. Half way between slut and classy.

5. Shocker, Gaz’s mate has already shagged Holly.

6. James thinks Aaron looks like a colouring book. We’d paint him by numbers any time! (That made as much sense as we planned)

7. We’re not quite sure what’s happening with Scotty’s hair!

8. Gaz daring girls to kiss him shouldn’t theoretically work. But it does.

9. Holly was the meat in an Aaron and Scotty T sandwich. She’s been in worse places.

10. Marnie’s ‘Im staying away from the boys’ statement lasted about 5 hours. Oh the willpower.

11. James got fit… literally.

12. The fancy dress theme for Gaz’s birthday party was pimps and whores, so just an average night out on the toon for him then.

13. All the lad wants is sex with no strings attached. You’d think by now he’s have realised that is too much to ask.

14. You can’t take off a tortoise’s shell.

15. Gaz telling a tortoise to fuck off with a serious face was much funnier than it should have been,

16. Scotty makes a beautiful whore.

17. When the ‘fat, old stripper’ headed straight for Gaz he looked like someone had taken a shit on his pillow. The horror.

18. Two consecutive shags, equals love.

19. When Scotty was sprawled over Gaz they looked like poster boys for Brokeback Mountain 2, adorable couple.

20. Marnie dropped the C bomb.

21. Next week we get our VICKY fix!