TOWIE - Episode Five.

Sunday’s episode gave us a fashion show, a code of conduct contract and a bit more Ricky action, not to mention Dan in model mode and Damn Wright (see last Wednesday’s summary for that to make sense)… perfect! Here’s what we learnt…

1. Do not feed the lemurs – not because they’ll rip your face off but because your recently reconciled girlfriend might get broody.
2. Lewis obviously never sung the rhyme k-i-s-s-i-n-g when he was little, it’s sitting in a tree then babies and marriage not first comes driving lessons. Bless him.
3. Tom never wanted her heart. What could he possibly have wanted then? It can’t have been a pleasant chat…
4. Grace is deluded and nobody actually cares. Tom’s words, not ours.
5. Bobby was rocking the camp golfer look. We’re not sure if this is chic.
6. Ricky gets 32% more loveable every time he’s on screen.
7. Danielle somehow managed to make the code of conduct contract sound reasonable. Quite the skill.
8. Someone falling into a bush will never not be hilarious. We’re so grateful for re-wind and slow-mo. We bet Lockie did a tiny laughter wee.
9. Dan was in the gym, and he wasn’t topless. This is not acceptable.
10. Fluorescent jackets turn Arg on! Watch out lollipop ladies of Essex!
11. Diags is totes one of the girls now.
12. According to Grace, Georgia is a sheep. Better a sheep than (what’s that really annoying animal that makes that god awful sound?)
13. Boiled eggs and hula hoops in the middle of a car park can only be the setting for a deep chat about the future for Arg and Lydia.
14. Elliott needs to own tighter trousers. There’s at least an inch or so that’s still left to our imagination.
15. Charlie put his foot down again. We liked it, we liked it a lot.
16. Sam Reece made his 2-second TOWIE debut and looked beautiful.
17. When Ricky has a shave he goes from sexy 20-something beautiful bit of rough to teenage paperboy with boyband aspirations.
18. Lewis getting involved in a girl’s argument is brave. Braver than licking something that looks like chocolate without smelling it first. Very brave.
19. Model Dan alert!
20. Vas moved from the on trend dark side to channeling Boyz 2 Men; stylishly.
21. The smile Charlie flashed at Elliott when he entered the restaurant was the exact smile a toddler gives when he’s just had a tea party with your expensive aftershave.
22. Gemma is as loyal as Judas.
23. That bury the hatchet apology chat escalated quickly.
24. One thing we haven’t learnt yet is why exactly Elliott has such a massive issue with Ferne?

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